Sometimes conversations confuse, sometimes they just help unwind, sometimes a clearer perspective emerges, and sometimes you just want to scream and tear your hair.
Holding the phone and discussing a tangled heart is so difficult when the right thing to do is just run over and give a warm embrace. Absolutely no need to have words to say something right? But long distance friendships sometimes need mid night chats, long hours of texting, the ability to comprehend in chaos and sometimes just the ability to shut up and listen.
Discussing matters of the heart, soothing the pain can be quite difficult when you are actually not the one suffering and honestly even the words “I Understand” are completely meaningless. Luckily for me and my friend we thrash it out like it is our mess.
Knowing him and his bubbly heart for ages and seen him struggle through highs and lows has been equally painful to me. But this time the conversation was different. We figured why he would get into relationships that seemed perfect and then somewhere lose the steam and not know where its headed.
We cracked down the code finally to figure the difference between like, love and the big word “commitment”.
Everybody has something likable. A pretty smile, fantastic sense of humour, fashion sense, their scent, the list is endless. And men have a whole other list. This is probably the start to being just an acquaintance, a friend, something more or just end at a onetime conversation.
But what takes it to the level of wanting to spend more time, have more chats, getting to the not so obvious side of the person. Do we, with our raging hormones allow this to even happen or do we just jump into a conclusion that we are in love.
For those who decide they are in love too early, the real picture can be pretty heart breaking. We begin to see beyond the nice conversations and the fantastic person we first met and it may not be as appealing. Now what? Do we breakup and move on? Do we hold on and stay committed?
What is being committed? Mentally and emotionally loving someone or something I guess. But can it be forced? No. So being in a relationship that doesn’t make you happy or doesn't help you grow cannot qualify as a commitment, it is dead weight.
Tricky words right. Let’s try simple - I could like an occasional muffin, love indulging in everything sweet, or be committed to my passion for baking. Or better, I could like socializing, love my best friend and be committed to my dog as a companion over anything or anybody else because that’s what makes me happy.
The benchmarks could be different for each one. Have learnt through emotional drama over the years that the trick is to just savour relationships as they transition and when you feel like holding on to something or someone against all odds you are already committed. Let your heart take over and you will know.