Groom for Sale...

A lot can happen over coffee they say and yes this conversation was quite an eye opener. A casual chat with two people, same sex, similar age and well educated so to speak and strangely similar thoughts on Dowry.

One was pretty vocal about how dowry is essential, somewhat a gatepass to a well – to – do family. She even said that if she opts to marry a groom of her choice, she still wants the money saved for dowry for herself. Apparently, the very fact that her parents have been saving for her dowry since her birth makes that accumulated wealth hers.

The second seemed pretty shocked at the blatant opinion on dowry the first girl had. She seemed more inclined to think of her parent’s welfare. Having raised her, she thought it unfair that they would have to bear the expenses of marriage plus the additional weight of dowry. She said that it was their money and they had every right to spend it on themselves. Unfortunately she ended that warm thought with “kya kare, shaadi ke time pe yeh sab karna padta hai”,

A little digging deeper gave me a realisation that dowry has evolved from being wrapped up in the garb of “gifts of love” given to a parting daughter to an MOU for marriage. Demands ranging from cash, gold, silver to property, cars and even investments. Demands not only come from the groom and his parents but also from their immediate and distant family not forgetting the people who play mediators in the groom/bride finding process.

No wonder the birth of a girl in most parts of India is not a celebrated affair in comparison to a boy. Maybe the joy of wealth to come in the form of dowry in the distant future is enough to make the family happy or probably the relief of not to having to save for dowry which obviously increases with inflation.

Such is the plight of India. Putting a price tag on a groom (can be called commodity in this case) and relinquishing ownership of the purchase as well. Its also the root cause of female infanticide and dowry deaths. So lets stop blaming it on poor literacy rates.

Strangely with changing times, the concept of dowry has evolved rather than dying a natural death in a so called progressive society. With the younger generation also passively in favour of dowry, the vicious cycle never ends. But I am still hopeful.  Hopeful because I know of some who have and many more brave hearts who will step ahead and make a change, beginning with themselves.